so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
