I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
