do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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