Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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