I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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