Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
