I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I intend to get homeless drunk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
