My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
