Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The air was thick with penises
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
