Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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