Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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