I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All the doctor said was why
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
