Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
