We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
