6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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