Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
