so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
