dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
