i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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