he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
