tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
