I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My penis needs a shock collar
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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