I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
