hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
