I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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