Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
