I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
