i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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