You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
