Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
