Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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