he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My brain says no but my pants say off.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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