Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
