Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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