Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think i have herpe
just one?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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