She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize