i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
sarcasm needs its own font
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
