R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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