Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
