I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
