I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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