I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
