Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
