Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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