Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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