oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
