Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
