Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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