Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
