I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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