He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize