im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
