the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
