Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
