Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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