You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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