I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
