I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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