Small penises have feelings too.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
