what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
