Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
