meet me or not, i'm out of control
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
