saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
