I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He passed out mid-signature
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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