I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
