Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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