the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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